Sunday, January 16, 2011

All About The Weight


After a long silence from Website A, I got a note from a member asking me what I was studying. I mean, of all the information that I had on my profile, that was the most important question for him. A cursory glance at his profile gave nothing away. You see, some people take advantage of the free membership and post incomplete profiles that make no sense. I blame the website for featuring profiles that are 30% complete - only has their barest details - are they so desperate to fill their bandwidth?


Any how, I decided not to waste my time answering. Although if I had answered it would have been something like, 'Aeronautical Engineering - Is there money in that?'. Okay, okay, maybe the poor lad just wanted to make conversation and didn't know where to start. He meant it as an ice-breaker. Then he should have used the pre-loaded format. The websites always have one-liner chat-up formats for those that are verbally challenged. Do I need someone like that? No.


So to the waist, I mean weight issue. I have a secret. Between you and I, I'll tell you what my weight is. A bit of background information is needed before I go on.


Some blue moons ago, I used to be a rather svelte young lady with all the elegance of a model. Then I found out about food. I could eat anything. In fact I loved cooking so much that if I eat anything from anywhere in the world, I could replicate it without being taught how to. I also didn't like throwing food away. No sir! Everything went into the waste bin of my waist. (pardon the pun)


Working from home also gave me few chances to exercise - the fact that I have membership at a local gym and a room full of exercise equipment to put a small gym to shame doesn't count. I just did not have enough motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle.


As my weight grew, so did my love life - in the opposite direction. First he made excuses about being tired and then he didn't even bother. I remember him saying on occasions that even if he felt like it, he only had to take a look at me to visualize what he would be handling and that would just kill his ardor. So he couldn't be bothered anymore. I actually find that funny now but it wasn't at that time. The more he nagged me about my weight, the more I found comfort in ice-cream and chocolate. I would derive more satisfaction from a bar of chocolate than the half-hearted attempt at love-making that was going on.


I used to feel so down and unwanted. And yet, I had so many men passing me comments and wanting to be with me. I mentioned this to my dear ex and he said, ‘well you look very well when you are all covered up. I bet they don’t know what I am dealing with!’ Oh, he said some other gems, but this is not about him so I won’t go there. Here I am, a very strong woman, with my own business, depend on no one, and yet, I let someone bring me down to the point that I was bulimic. I knew something hard to give.


I started a good eating plan, ditched the car for buses and long treks and I can see the improvement already. Now my motivation is me, and not because I want to please someone who had his own issues, I am a lot happier and hopefully the weight will continue to fall of and stay off.


Now the reason why I am sharing my weight is so that I can be shamed into keeping it like so. I weighed in before at 95kg (209lb) and at present, I have gone down to 92kg (202lb). It doesn’t look that bad on me though because I am quite tall and the curves are well distributed. How is that for self- appreciation? I have really come a long way!


So when I got to the part of ‘body type’ in the online registration from for the dating website, I proudly tick, ‘with a few extra’. I’ll be damned if someone clicks me thinking I am a slim, portable size to find out later on otherwise. Also, I am not going to let a man determine my weight ever again. I am neither fat nor slim, but I am HAPPY!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

E- Dating and What Have You


I have just recently come out of a long term relationship that had been going stale for a looonnngg time. It hadn't done well for my self esteem so I needed to get back to the dating scene quickly so I could feel appreciated and loved. Boo hoo!

A quick survey of the pickings around me showed how slim or in fact non existent they were. Approaching 40 and slightly over-weight, the chances of meeting a dashing tall dark and handsome type was very slim indeed. All the men around me were married and to be honest, even if they weren't there was NONE of them I found the slightest bit attractive anyway.

So, I decided to try out online dating websites.

Now, I am a strong proponent of everything Internet. I shop online, pay my bills, play games, work, study, etc. I live my life online. So since I spend most of my waking hours on the computer, where else to start my search for the perfect guy?
I listed my pros and cons.

On the plus side;

  • I am attractive - I scrub up nicely, I daresay!
  • Educated with several degrees
  • Witty
  • Look a lot younger than my age - prone to immaturity!
  • Intelligent
  • Economically viable (!!!) - shhhh.....don't tell the banks!
  • Considerably fun to be with - bags of laughter!
  • Enterprising - can sell sand to the Arabs
  • Dependable
  • Honest-to-God

On the down side;
  • Fickle minded
  • Getting old
  • A bit crazy
  • Overweight (an avid yo-yo dieter)
  • Head in the cloud
  • Watch too many crime documentaries so have trust issues
I looked around and it seems the ones across the pond were more 'serviced' - as in there appeared to be quite a lot of member photos with recent online dates on them. I wanted to maintain my anonymity so, leaving out my photo, I took out the free trial membership for a couple of the websites. I am not going to mention which websites these are but in the course of this blog, I am going to record my experience as I go along. Who knows what may happen after all!

Just so we are clear before I go on

1. Sadly, I am not over my ex

2. I am not looking for a replacement yet

3. I am an incurable romantic and can change my mind at any moment!

Now that that is out of the way, I registered with website A who claimed to have a system where you are uniquely matched with your 'partner' using their special scientific formula, based on your mutual attributes. Their infomercials were always spot on and you'd feel that, well if they can afford to take out these ads then they must be doing okay. So I took out the free package.

The first couple of days after I signed on,  I was 'talking' to other singles in my neighborhood.  You know, I'd be online and someone would say 'hey' and I would 'hey' back. Before going into stories, I'd quickly check their profile to see if any dodgy stuff would ring up alarm bells. If okay,  continue 'talking'. One thing about this website is that it gives you the control over who sees your photo so you start communicating with someone and if you get to the stage of exchanging photos and the person's photo is totally whack, you can make a polite exit. I don't really like that. You can read all the good things and I tell you, most people, including yours truly, think they are God's gift to the opposite sex - if beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, they must be holding themselves quite a lot! LOL! Sorry, I had to put that there.

Anyhow, bad jokes apart, there I was talking to these guys, checked out their profiles, nothing strange there until one of them released his photo and I tried to open it but couldn't because I was not a paying member. Same thing happened about 4 or 5 times and I thought, 'what the hell'. the membership fee was not that expensive and I could afford it so why not just try it? Also, there were soooo many apparently okay guys on the website. And did they not have 30 couples who met on the website married last year? So I dusted my credit card and signed up for all of 6 months membership. If I don't get a date in 6 months then I'll eat my...... no, I wont eat anything. Just give it a trial anyways. I was curious like mad to see what the guys looked like that released their photos to me.

Funny enough, as soon as I paid, the contacts dried up. Not gradually like. Instantly! While I had been having nearly daily communication from the website about this person or that match, I got nada, zilch, nil, zero.... Enough! I thought it was a coincidence and continued logging on and throwing a smile here and there. I could sense some other people's frustration from their profile status.  But I did not give up.

Then I saw a profile about a guy who listed one of his hobbies as sailing on his yacht. The photo he had on his profile looked like one from a James Bond film. Rich and handsome, eh? What would a guy like that be looking for on a dating site when he appeared to be a ‘babe magnet’? So I threw a smile his way. Right on the spot, I got a reply back in the line of, ‘oh, I see you like me. I like you too but I can’t access this website from work. Can you send me your private email so I can contact you there?’ That’s strange, coming from a guy that owns a boat. You’d think that he could access the website at home. Or, if he has to access the website at work then it’s either:
  1. He is low in the hierarchy and afraid his boss or IT might catch him out
  2. He is married and only does the web crawling away from the family computer
Either way, something wasn’t right. And come to think of it, if he was that rich, how come he wasn’t a paying member? So I replied I feel more comfortable meeting you here, thank you! And I never heard anything back.